Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Too Many Emotions

Another late post? Yep, this is another late post. 

Right now I'm sitting in my room in total darkness listening to my fish tank and my guinea pig. It's about 1am and I really don't feel like sleeping. I have a really old vlogmas video playing in the background, and I don't have my glasses on so everything is a tad blurred (if I have misspellings or things like that I totally blame my lack of glasses) because I just can't be bothered to wear glasses this late at night. 

On Sunday my boyfriend and I broke up... We've been adjusting the best we can, and we're doing our best to stay friends. It's been really hard because we still want to hear about each other's day and seek advice from each other - we're just doing it as friends. That basically means that we're less detailed and we, for the most part, keep how we're feeling out of it. He's not my boyfriend anymore so he doesn't want to hear about how my shoes made my feet hurt, or about my motion sickness on the way downtown - and he doesn't want to tell me about how angry he got that he couldn't beat a level on his video game, or about how draining work as been lately.

On Monday, I went in for a job interview at a kennel and was given the job on the spot! Which was beyond exciting for me, because I'd basically given up all hope of getting a job for the summer. Today (Tuesday) was my first day there, and being able to throw myself into taking care of the dogs that were boarded there helped me feel a lot better. For some reason hard work and animals, especially cleaning up after animals, makes me feel a lot happier.

I've been having a hard time these past few days because I've had such a mix of sadness, excitement, nervousness, loneliness, happiness, and even a little bit of anger.

My long term relationship with someone really important to me ended, I got a job that I love (finally), only one of my friends is in town and she invited her boyfriend over for our girls night, I started getting some decorations that I love for my apartment, I've begun to notice some changes in my guinea pig that are worrying me because I don't know if I could afford a vet visit in addition to school things...

This summer started off being really rough, and I don't think that it's gotten any better - there are still really hard things going on, and some really good/exciting things at the same time. There have been several times where I've wished that I emotions were more simple, or that we'd only feel one emotion at a time, but I understand that that's not how it works... 

My postings may be a bit sparse this month, so please bear with me as I try to get things figured out for myself.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

The Breakup

I know the title makes this sound like a really sad thing, but it turned out not to be. My boyfriend and I decided to go back to being just friends, but we ended everything on good terms and plan to continue to be in each other's lives. I don't want to dwell on this subject a lot, because I feel like there isn't very much to say, I just wanted to let you know because he's played a large role in this blog (more behind the scenes than on it). Thanks for all of your support - I'll see you on Tuesday!

Thursday, June 23, 2016

A Quick Update

Remember in one of my previous posts when I talked about losing the ability to renew my academic scholarship for the upcoming school year?

Well I went through the various systems in place to appeal, and everything got approved. Which means that my academic scholarship is going to be renewed for this upcoming school year. I'm in total disbelief - I'm so shocked and happy at the same time, I have no idea whether I should scream or jump up and down or both! Having this scholarship definitely makes things a lot easier for me.

Where my math class is concerned, I haven't been able to get a response about it at all from any of the people I emailed at my school. I'm not re-enrolled yet or on a waiting list or anything. I haven't heard a peep about it...

I'm continuing on with my online math class with the hopes that I'll be able to get into the math class that I need for this upcoming fall, but we'll see how it all works out... I have higher hopes now because I was able to get my academic scholarship back, but I don't want to get my hopes up too high in case I can't get into the math class that I need. I'll keep you updated on what happens with my math class.

I also wanted to let you know that all of my pets are doing really well! My fish and my hermit crabs are happy as can be, and I haven't seen any mites in my crabitat since putting in the "mite guard".

Things really seem to be looking up for me this summer.

I'll see you on Tuesday!

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Book 4: "Looking For Alaska" by John Green

I was initially drawn to this book after watching John's video about its banning. The whole idea of books being banned is really interesting to me because I don't understand how people can be so opposed to a book that they'd take the time to get it banned. If I don't like a book then I just read a different one and move on with my life!

Looking For Alaska was hard for me to get through mainly because it's so similar to All the Bright Places. I think that if I hadn't read the two so close together that I would have enjoyed this book much more because they do seem to have about the same plot line. This book involves high school age students, mental illness, drugs, and (although unclear in the book) suicide.

Despite having several well written parts, I never found myself staying up late reading this book, and I never cried while I was reading it despite some of the harder topics it covered. Compared to All the Bright Places, this book missed the mark. However, if you don't want something as sad or as easy to get emotionally invested in then you should read this book.

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Book 3: "All The Bright Places" by Jennifer Niven
I'm going to be very up front with this one by saying that it's most definitely not for everyone. This book involves mental illness, abusive parents, suicide, high school bullies, and the stigma against people with mental illnesses and suicide.

Despite having some really heavy topics, Niven has worked in the perfect amount of humor and romance. You gain a strong attachment to the main characters to the point where you wish you could jump into the story and help them. The scary part is how easy it is to empathize with what the characters are going through because the depiction of High School and the ages of the characters is so accurate. We can all remember High School and when we were that age.

This book had me up at 2 in the morning 2 nights in a row. I would cry and laugh and want to scream at the pages in my hands. I held onto this book like my life depended on it for 3 days, and in my opinion it was 3 days well spent. This emotional roller coaster of a book is at the top of my list of recommendations.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Worst Summer Ever? - A Life Update

This post is going to be a bit rambly and really negative sounding, so if you're not in the mood for a post like this then check back on Thursday for a new post.

Alright, now we're all invested and ready.

At the start of the summer things were off to a rocky start because I found out that I got a D in my math class and had lost the ability to renew my academic scholarship. In an attempt to stay on track with my classes, I started a summer/online version of the same math class to earn a better grade to be able to keep my fall 2016 classes as they were. To my dismay, the school system dropped me out of the math class I'd signed up for for the fall because the computer program wasn't aware I was retaking the previous math class already. I emailed all of the appropriate people and haven't gotten a reply, so by the looks of things I may have to rearrange my classes for the fall anyway. 

I've also been having a hard time with my online math class because the program will randomly shut down or stop working. Even though the course is online, all of the unit exams and the finals exams are done via a proctor in person. There are only two proctor's in my area, and neither one of them has answered my calls or emails. My goal was to finish the class in a month so that I'd have time to have a portion of the summer that didn't involve something school related, but unless I can get a proctor to let me take the exams I won't be able to finish it that early. 

With my pets, both of my female guppys appear to be pregnant. I've set up a second tank in which I'll place the fry, which is all well and good. The only thing that went wrong is that I don't have a hood for the second tank, so when I had it filled up properly the filter was spraying a little bit of the water out. At first it didn't seems like a big deal to me - a few drops of water never hurt anybody. But I got up and found that over night the water droplets had accumulated on the table, which just happened to be where my laptop was sitting. I dried it off and it seems to be okay, but a broken laptop is really not something I wanted to add to my list.

Since I've been home I've been dealing with mites that have been in my Hermit Crab terrarium. I've been doing everything they tell you to to get rid of them, but nothing seemed to be working. After a trip to a different pet store than I usually go to I purchased a "mite guard" - a powder that you put where the mites typically hide in order to kill and prevent them for up to 3 weeks. The container stated in several places not to breath it in, get it on your skin or in your eyes, and not to ingest it. This worried me, because I didn't know what would stop my crabs from getting it on themselves or ingesting it. I also worried because the terrarium is meat to be humid for the crabs, but it would basically be thick with the mite guard and they'd breath it in... Long story short, I'm not sure if I'm basically killing my crabs in an attempt to have them be healthy by killing off the mites.

I still haven't been able to find a job. I don't understand what's so wrong with me that literally every place I apply won't have anything to do with me. Almost every day I'm getting reject calls or emails, and then my parents come to tell me about more places that I should apply because I need to try harder. At this point, they've started telling me about jobs I should apply for that are in the next town over - which would be counter productive because I'd use every paycheck I got to pay for the gas to be able to drive there. I had one job interview that seemed promising, but considering how things have been going on the job front I don't think I'm very likely to be picked.

For the past several months I've been taking an acne medication because acne it something that I've always had a hard time with. However, one of the potential side effects is heartburn... The heartburn I was getting was so bad that over-the-counter medications for it weren't working and I was losing several night of sleep because of it. I ended up stopping taking the acne medication to get rid of the heartburn, but now I'm back to dealing with all of the acne. I'm hoping to be able to find a happy medium between the two where I'm still able to sleep, but it'll depend on what's available and what I can afford.

So far, I've mainly been looking forward to my chance to travel and the prospect of getting to read a lot. I've also been (strangely enough) excited about getting a new planner to write down what I do in a day and the events that are coming up (the planner I have right now ends at the end of this month (June)). 

If you made it to the end of this post, thanks for sticking with it! I'll see you on Thursday.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Book 2: "I Am Malala" by Malala Yousafzai with Christina Lamb

I was pleasantly surprised by this book! I've been "following" Malala in the news, watching YouTube videos of her various speeches and TV interviews, and watching the documentary made about her, so I was really excited to read this book!

Being honest, it was really hard for me to get through this book. Rather than being mainly about her life the book is largely made up of a more simple Pakistani History of what's been going on since before Malala was even born. I'm not a huge fan of History, I've never been very good at remembering names and dates and events, so when I sat down to read I had to really focus in order to keep up with it because the History is vital to understanding why Malala needs to fight for Girl's Education and what led up to the shooting.

This book is not one that I'd consider a light read, but if you have the time and the desire to understand what's been happening from a Native's perspective I highly recommend this book.

When it comes to her shooting, I was worried that it would be described graphically because I'm not good with blood or references to blood or graphic descriptions of blood. However, she's very to the point about it. She doesn't add in anything other than what happened and what she remembers, there isn't any "wailing" or "crying" or "screaming" in her description. When she's going through what happened after she was admitted to the first hospital, several of the things she says are things that I remember hearing about on local and world news stations. Reading about it from her perspective really opened my eyes to the extent of how terrifying and hard it must have been to go through.

So, if you're looking for a History filled book that also partially explains some of the beliefs of Muslims told from the perspective of a young girl who lived it, you should most definitely pick up this book.

If you'd like to learn more about Malala, or want to help support her fight for Girl's Education, go to

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

5 Month Resolution Update

Resolution 1: Save up the money that I need to be able to pay for my Housing and Textbooks for the 16-17 school year on my own

I have some money saved up from my job at school, but it's not as much as I'll need for the upcoming school year so I've been searching for a job. As you know, that search hasn't gone as well as I planned... I've been able to earn a little bit of money doing odd jobs, but I still would like to have a steady job where I'll get a consistent paycheck.

Resolution 2: DRINK MORE WATER!!!!!!

Now that it's the summer, this one is more crucial! I'm proud to say that I have been keeping up and drinking a ton of water. Maybe even too much water... If that's at all possible.

Resolution 3: Read at least 20 books by the end of the year

I've been reading up a storm! I have a few books I'm going to be posting about this month, so you have some book reviews to look forward to from me!

Resolution 4: Clean my Dorm Room every Saturday

This particular resolution isn't applicable anymore... While I'm home I clean my room when I do the weekly maintenance for my pets which is on Tuesdays (it's also garbage day). For the Summer months while I'm away from school I'll be leaving this resolution out, but I'll add it back in after I'm back at school. I'm going to be in an apartment for the upcoming school year, so I'll definitely need to keep up with the cleanliness.

Resolution 5: Stop Eating after 9pm

I've been having a really hard time with this one now that it's the summer and I'm staying up a lot later at night. I've been working on getting a more consistent sleeping schedule so that I'm not staying up late and sleeping in until noon every day, so hopefully I'll get back on track with not eating after 9pm.

Resolution 6: Snack less, eat actual Meals more

This one has been the easiest one to achieve! I've been back at home so my mom is very on top of having actual meals and making sure that my brothers and I eat like we're supposed to. Plus the meals are nothing like the food in the dining hall so I'm loving it! There's so much variety, and my mom takes requests!

Thursday, June 2, 2016

May 2016 Overview

May has been a really rough month for me! However, I finished my first year of College which is a huge accomplishment for me!

Unfortunately, I failed my math class... Well, not failing per say... I got a D. Math really isn't my strong suit.

This one class pulled down my GPA to where I'm unable to keep my academic scholarship and it puts me behind in the classes I'm taking because this math class is a prerequisite for several of my classes. I went there an appeals process with my grade in an attempt to boost it slightly, but I lost. I've also emailed the paperwork to try to convince the board to allow me to renew my academic scholarship. For the summer, I'm going to retake the math class to *hopefully* get a better grade in the class to be able to stay on track with the rest of my classes- which is vital now that I'm going to be double majoring!

In May I've also been applying for jobs left and right without much luck. There's nothing better than getting several rejection emails a day from various businesses who don't want to hire someone for the Summer. I've also gone in person to apply for several jobs, and only a few of them have called me back. I have high hopes that one of those is going to work out... My dad calls me several times a day telling me about jobs that he thinks I should apply for, and I appreciate it, it's just getting kind of annoying. I've been finding and applying for most of the jobs on my own, it's unnecessary to tell me about all of them again.

I also got to see my friends for a fun night of s'mores and card games, which was the most that this has felt like the summer to me. One of my friends and I did a lot of shopping together before she headed out, which was really nice!

May has also been full of lots of binge watching Netflix and reading! This month I'm going to be putting up several posts about the books that I've read, so look forward to those - they're going to be great!

What was May like for you? Let me know!

MY FIRST COMMENT!!! and technical difficulties....

Extremely early this morning I got an email saying that someone commented on my post "The Chance to Travel?" and I was beyond excited because this is the first comment anyone has ever left on my blog!

However, it then led to a stressful morning as I couldn't figure out why the comment didn't seem to be appearing in the comments section... I'm not very skilled with technology so there's probably something something simple that I'm not doing that would fix the whole thing. When my boyfriend is off work I'm going to see if he can figure it out...

Basically, the reason I'm posting this is to give her a little bit of a shout-out because I wasn't able respond to her comment because I haven't been able to see it...

I went on her blog and even though she hasn't posted very many things yet, I like what she has so far! There are also several things that I have in common with her - like being allergic to face paint (I have super sensitive skin, which is kind of annoying), having a brother(s), and loving Zoe Sugg (and her blog). I also love the layout of her blog, although it took me a bit to figure out how to comment.

Go on over and check out her blog, and be sure to check back in later today for my "May 2016 Overview" at 2:30 PDT!
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