Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Too Many Emotions

Another late post? Yep, this is another late post. 

Right now I'm sitting in my room in total darkness listening to my fish tank and my guinea pig. It's about 1am and I really don't feel like sleeping. I have a really old vlogmas video playing in the background, and I don't have my glasses on so everything is a tad blurred (if I have misspellings or things like that I totally blame my lack of glasses) because I just can't be bothered to wear glasses this late at night. 

On Sunday my boyfriend and I broke up... We've been adjusting the best we can, and we're doing our best to stay friends. It's been really hard because we still want to hear about each other's day and seek advice from each other - we're just doing it as friends. That basically means that we're less detailed and we, for the most part, keep how we're feeling out of it. He's not my boyfriend anymore so he doesn't want to hear about how my shoes made my feet hurt, or about my motion sickness on the way downtown - and he doesn't want to tell me about how angry he got that he couldn't beat a level on his video game, or about how draining work as been lately.

On Monday, I went in for a job interview at a kennel and was given the job on the spot! Which was beyond exciting for me, because I'd basically given up all hope of getting a job for the summer. Today (Tuesday) was my first day there, and being able to throw myself into taking care of the dogs that were boarded there helped me feel a lot better. For some reason hard work and animals, especially cleaning up after animals, makes me feel a lot happier.

I've been having a hard time these past few days because I've had such a mix of sadness, excitement, nervousness, loneliness, happiness, and even a little bit of anger.

My long term relationship with someone really important to me ended, I got a job that I love (finally), only one of my friends is in town and she invited her boyfriend over for our girls night, I started getting some decorations that I love for my apartment, I've begun to notice some changes in my guinea pig that are worrying me because I don't know if I could afford a vet visit in addition to school things...

This summer started off being really rough, and I don't think that it's gotten any better - there are still really hard things going on, and some really good/exciting things at the same time. There have been several times where I've wished that I emotions were more simple, or that we'd only feel one emotion at a time, but I understand that that's not how it works... 

My postings may be a bit sparse this month, so please bear with me as I try to get things figured out for myself.

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