Thursday, January 25, 2018

Hunt For Stability

Back in December I did a post called Stability. So you'll want to go back and read that if you haven't so that this post will make a bit more sense.

I have found a little bit of stability in my guinea pigs, because I know that they'll be there when I wake up, and when I come home from school or work. It's really nice to know that I have them whenever I go back to my apartment. Regardless of what the day held, I can go to my room and know that they'll be happy to see me, and that I'll be able to spend time with them.

My fish tank is another thing that has provided me with some feelings of stability. Once a week I spend the time doing some regular maintenance, and once a month I do the more in depth maintenance. I also have a routine of when I feed them, which I look forward to every day.

This upcoming February, the housing applications for my apartment will be posted, so I'll be able to apply to remain in my current apartment for next school year. Which means I won't have to move!! I'm really excited about not having to move everything all over again, I can stay in one place, where I'm already settled.

When it comes to school and my classes, I haven't really built up a consistent routine yet, but I'm sure that once I do I'll feel a lot more stable. A daily routine would be a great thing to help me continually reach a good level of stability in my life.

However, not everything has been going my way since that first post. Monday the 22nd, after I was done for the day and back at my apartment. I got broken up with. Over text. It was something that I had kind of seem coming based on the mixed signals that he was sending me, and the overall lack of interest in spending any more time together. It still really hurt though. I hardly slept, and the next day was brutal trying to go back to school and function as if nothing had happened. Luckily my friends and coworkers have my back and have been really kind and supportive of me as I've been getting through this. I'm starting to feel like it's good that the relationship ended because it wasn't the same as it was in the beginning, and there's no use in dragging out something that isn't all around amazing.

At one point I went to the store and was berated by all the Valentine's day stuff, and I went to buy a small tub of ice cream (Ben & Jerry's Non-Dairy Fudge Brownie), and the clerk said that I must be the happiest customer in the store because I was buying ice cream! Which, although I know he probably meant well, a little bit made me want to punch him... Which I of course didn't actually do! I just bought my ice cream and went home.

I've also been having some weird issues with sleeping more recently, which makes life really hard when you're trying to be a functional adult during the day. I've basically been living off of energy drinks, which I know is really bad for me. I've invested in some melatonin to see if it'll help me get back onto a more regular sleep schedule, but I'm hoping I won't have to continuously take it to be able to sleep.

Although I'm still not where I want to be, I've been looking for the small things that are more permanent in my life to find more of that stability that I crave so much. I'll be sure to update more along the way as I hunt down more things for more stability.

I'll see you on Tuesday

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